Sunflower field while driving thru Kenya.

So someone just asked me,

“How are you doing.... um, spiritually?”

And i was really honest. I haven’t been in the Word, in a while. Of course I WANT to be in the Word, but honestly, that just doesn't cut it. And because the Lord speaks to me thru His word, I can tell that I have been lacking in many areas.

And I have been lacking tenderness.

My words and actions, especially towards the boys, at times have been laced with control and frustration lately. Having an almost 11yr old and a 6yr old is hard. Though they are playing nicer lately, I am still on edge from their week long arguments about who's fav color is better, or which toothbrush cleans better... and on and on it goes.

As i’ve become older, i know that i struggle with control and impatience. Raising kids can cause a firestorm inside of me, where these attributes roar. And it is burning me alive. I want and need a change.

There needs to be a tenderness within all of us, and when we are not purposely in God’s word and praying to Him, there can not be a tender heart. We fight for control and survival all the time in this world. But know that HE is in charge and HE directs our paths.

I looked up tenderness, just to see what other words there were that I could relate to...... thoughtfulness; affability, friendliness, good-naturedness, good-temperedness, warmth; graciousness, niceness, pleasantness; clemency, leniency, mercifulness; patience, tolerance, understanding.

Why do I struggle to be tender?
Why do I grasp and claw to control everything around me?!

But what about words to describe when I do not exhibit tenderness? These were actually much more surprising. I didn't think they would be so harsh..... mercilessness, pitilessness, ruthlessness; inconsiderateness, insensitivity, thoughtlessness; grimness, harshness, severity, sternness, toughness.

SERIOUSLY!?! Shamefully, lately, Ive been identifying with the latter.

What does the Lord offer me when I come to Him? 

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.
Galatians 5:22-25

Lord, YOU need to take control. Here! I am offering it to you with arms raised high, fingers stretched out to you, muscles and tendons snapping to give IT ALL to You. On my knees I plead with You to take over. And it starts by continual praise and consuming YOUR Word daily.